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- How to look for possibly being lead on in the future? : OnlineDating
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So i took a break from dating rn Bc Corona isn't getting any better and I realized I could be using the time to take care of me and just do things I like than just talking to guys and having nowhere really to go. 's been this guy that has been living rent free in the back of my head for months now. It doesn't upset me I just want to know the point. (I'm a 27F he was 27M) Okay it was back in July (the 4th) I had honestly the best Online date I've ever had. The guy planned for us to go to a knife throwing place and we'd decide in person if it went well to get dinner. During knife throwing he seemed shy but I thought it was nice he asked me if he wanted me to ring the bell when he picked me up or not. He mentioned after getting past the initial first date getting to know you questions his experiences with some girls he didn't like, like his ex's. After we were done we went to dinner Bc it was going well and we continued to get to know each other and just had good banter. He seemed nice enough because he was telling me about some money that he was donating to a charity at the time that was passionate o him.
How to look for possibly being lead on in the future? : OnlineDating
I don't blame him, but my god, I think it makes things worse. I suspect the intensity he feels around women has gotten to the point where he puts all his hopes on the person he's into, and it is so much pressure (I also don't even know if he pays attention to them as people, I'm worried that he views women as potential bodies to share his life with). When I ask him how he is, his response is the same every time – nope, he's not up to anything. There's nothing new. He doesn't care about anything. He hasn't been watching shows. He doesn't care about articles. He doesn't follow the news. He doesn't care. It's another empty day. I know what he's like and the stuff he used to be into, but it's like everything in his character has been completely overwhelmed with self-hatred over the last 3 years. He doesn't talk about his thoughts or feelings (beyond hating the world), all he can think about is how everyone is rejecting him. I think he's so scared to show himself to others, my guess is that he never talks about himself or volunteers his own ideas because he thinks everything about him is worthless.
I was a long time poster on an old account that I had to delete due to privacy concerns. This forum really helped get me through some dark times and I thank you all for that. 8 years ago I made the decision to go NC with my Nmom after years of manipulation, gas lighting, and her drug addiction that led her to steal and commit other crimes and attempt to use me as a scapegoat. Two years later, I decided to go NC with my entire family as I started to see beyond the FOG with their narcissistic tendencies, as well. I don't speak to a single relative nor any friends from my hometown. I'm a ghost and they don't know my contact info at all. My Nmom had made hundreds of attempts to find me over the years. When I moved to a new town, she managed to find my new address, employer, and phone number despite my attempts to erase my online information from data mining sites. I check weekly to see what information is there and delete accordingly. I've moved rental locations a dozen times to keep her off my back and honestly it is getting old.
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I found my bathing suit but he stop sending me good morning messages and texting me first. I let him know that I found my bathing suit and asked him if anything was wrong he said no he was just busy the past couple of days and then we could maybe do it Saturday. What was the day before and it looked like it was going to rain a day and then he just ghosted me he never said anything again. He didn't unfriend me on Facebook or block me or anything so that's why I was confused. Some of my friends that I should've never opened up to him and I should've just played along a little bit until a connection blossomed and then my other friends said it was good that I was honest with him, Bc he seemed wishy-washy. My question is why do guys make it seem like they're definitely going to see you a second time and then they're not once you open up to them after they have talked about their ex on the date. I've seen it before with friends in my life too and I never understand why guys do that because it's kind of like a false confidence.
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I thought it was a good indication that we would definitely see each other again. Early in the week he asked me if I wanted to go swimming in his Family pool. It made me a little uncomfortable being our second date but I figured hey since the first one went well why question it. He kept sending me good morning messages every morning, and we talked all the time. Later on that week, he said something "overly flirty" that made me a little uncomfortable knowing it was just a second date. I then went on to tell him that I was enjoying just getting to know him for now and I opened up to him about an ex I had seven months ago and how it was long distance and how the inconsistency lead me really just need to know a person more. I also opened up to him about being a virgin and how it was important to me that I found someone who would care for me first. He responded that he wanted to get to know me too more. (During the date I spoke about being Catholic and he didn't seem to have an issues with it, being Christian but not really practicing it but still grew up with a faith) after that text message I felt like a weight has been lifted Bc only then I got to find out what he was really after despite wanting a girlfriend.
The fact that he's a nice man in his early 30s, not ugly, and with his own home seems to be a recipe designed to work one day, and I keep telling him this, but he doesn't believe me and says his life history is evidence that he will always be on his own. I can tell that my well-meaning suggestions are increasingly pointless, he just gets more and more dismissive and says things like "you don't understand, and you're just saying things you're interested in". He's not wrong, but I am also a person with issues and I've just been suggesting things I've done myself. I don't know what else to do, and I think that by constantly insisting he has a future, I'm making him alienated and frustrated. We spend entire evenings talking about this, a pointless back and forth. I try to talk about other things, but he doesn't care about anything else but how awful he is. It's like that is all that's left. I'm scared for him. I'm in another country and I can't check in on him. His local friends have been shitty to him.
Now I'm thinking I should have kept them. She hasn't found me since my last move to a new place almost two years ago. I've been so successful in keeping private, but now I worry she may have hired a private investigator. I would not put this past her because I watched her do this so many times when I was a child.. When a boyfriend left her, she would hire a PI. If a friend was doing something behind her back, she'd hire a PI. I've watched her waste entire government assistance checks, money from enabling family members, and even her rent money on hiring a PI. This makes me feel so sick and uneasy just knowing I could be a target of whatever PI she hired. My anxiety has been out of control the last couple of days and I feel like I'm being watched. Once again I'm feeling like I'll never be free from her. If there are any survivors out there that would like to offer advice, that would really help to calm me down. What should I do next? How can I keep private against a potential private investigator?